// The Ramblings of Shmee: What If It Doesn't Mean Anything?

Thursday, January 16, 2014

What If It Doesn't Mean Anything?

I think a lot.
In fact, it could be said that I think too much.
I'm constantly trying to figure things out.
On some basic level I need to know what it all means.
And just when I think I've got the riddle solved, things shift and I'm forced to consider a different alternative.
It's a cycle on which I spend a lot of time and energy.
And I just realized it.
I woke up with the question "What if it doesn't mean anything?" buzzing around in my head, and when I sat down to figure out what the hell that meant, I realized just how much time and energy I spend on mulling things over.
And it scared me.
Because what if it all really doesn't mean anything?
What if all this stuff that I'm constantly thinking about and taking apart and looking at under the microscope is just isolated randomness?
Or what if it only meant something in the moment that it happened and the only thing left to do with it is to thank it and move on? 
What if I've spent my whole life trying to extract meaning from the meaningless?
That would be a real kick in the teeth, wouldn't it?
Or would it?
If nothing means anything, then seems like I might be free to do whatever I want - within lawful and moral reason, of course (jail and extended guilt trips aren't for me).
And if I'm free to do whatever I want, seems like I should probably figure out what that is and then get on with it already.
Hmmmm.... I think I just figured out why I spend so much time trying to figure things out.

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